How to Know You Might Need Therapy
If you’ve never been in therapy before, the thought of opening up to a stranger might seem daunting. Here are some indicators that it might be time to talk to someone.
Reaching out for help can be intimidating. It’s a vulnerable experience that forces us to admit that we can’t handle things on our own. We’re constantly exposed to harmful messaging that discourages us from asking for help -
Tough it out
Suck it up
It’s not that bad
Other people have it worse
You’ll be fine
Even when we ask for support form our friends and family, sometimes other people just don’t understand the severity of what we’re going through -
“It will be okay” - but things are not okay right now
“You can do it” - but you are exhausted
“I’ve been through worse” - but it is still difficult
“I’m sure it’ll get better” - but it has not gotten better yet
“You seem fine” - but you are really struggling
“It’s probably temporary” - but it seems ongoing
“It is just this one time” - but it keep happening
“It will get easier with time” - but it feels like it has gotten worse
Our loved ones usually mean well when they say these things, but sometimes they just can’t provide us with the support we need. How can we tell we need more than their words of encouragement? When is it time to ask for professional help? Only you can know the answer to that question, but I have some suggestions on what might indicate it’s time to talk to a therapist.
It doesn’t go away naturally.
Emotions are temporary. Yes, all emotions are temporary. Sometimes emotions linger and turn into a mood, but even moods are temporary and meant to vary. If you’re experiencing a persistent mood for long periods of time, this might be a sign that something deeper is going on to perpetuate that mood. This might be a persistent thought pattern, behavioral habit, or a situation at home, work, school, or other environment. Whether it is a sad mood, anxious mood, irritable mood, or excessively happy mood,
It keeps coming back.
If it happens once, it might be a coincidence. If it happens twice, it’s the start of a pattern. If it happens three times or more, it’s an established pattern. When the same problem keeps occurring, it means it hasn’t actually been resolved, just temporarily contained. This might be an indicator that it’s time to truly address the cause of the problem so you can actually manage it.
What works for them doesn’t work for you.
Our society has recently moved into a self-help revolution. Everywhere you look there are new Instagram accounts, Tik Toks, books, or other media sources sharing countless different ways to take care of yourself. Don’t get me wrong, these are great outlets for finding ways to cope with everyday stressors, but sometimes they’re not enough. Everyone copes in different ways, and some strategies just don’t work for some people. If a bubble bath and face mask actually solved problems, I wouldn’t have a career. If you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work for you the way it does for other people, you might be engaging in the wrong type of self-care and might need to explore personalized solutions with a therapist.
It seems intense.
There are differences between stress and anxiety, sadness and depression, eating healthily and anorexia, eating a big meal and binge eating, a preference for order/control and actual OCD, getting nervous before parties and social anxiety, and so on and so on. If what you’re going through seems more intense than what other people go through, or it’s more intense than what you’ve experienced before, it’s worth paying attention to.
You’re frequently asking for support from loved ones.
I hear a lot of my new clients express feelings of guilt for burdening their loved ones with their problems. Chances are that your friends and family care a lot about you and don’t mind occasionally providing you with support and advice about your problems. If you think you’re asking too much of them, or find yourself frequently dominating conversations with your problems, it might be time to talk to someone outside of your immediate support system.
You have an issue with someone in your support system.
No one likes drama, unless it’s televised on Bravo. Friends and family are great sources of empathy for interpersonal problems because they might understand the situation, but they’re usually involved in the situation to some degree so they have their own personal opinions that might not be helpful. Talking about an issue you have with someone in your family or friend group to other people within that group can sometimes make the problem worse. If talking to the person directly doesn’t solve the problem, it might be helpful to talk to an impartial third party, like a therapist.
Support from a loved one makes you feel worse.
Like I mentioned above, sometimes asking for help from family and friends means receiving basic, unhelpful advice or words of encouragement that miss the mark. These messages can be discouraging because they might not be enough, even though you (and your loved ones) want them to be helpful. If you’re noticing that encouraging words of support don’t seem like enough or make you feel worse, it might be time for a deeper conversation with someone who is trained to explore the root cause of the problem with you.
Someone suggests you get help.
This one can be tough. If you’re like me, you might not like being told what to do, and someone suggesting that you seek help might seem like they’re telling you what to do. A lot of times, our loved ones don’t know how to appropriately communicate their concern for us and it can sound like they’re blaming us for our problems when they really just don’t feel equipped to support us through our problems. Try to hear their suggestion under the assumption that they care about you and your well-being. It can be difficult to admit that they might be right, but if you feel defensive at their suggestion, it might mean you know that they’re right and feel vulnerable because they see you struggling. Of course, if your doctor suggests that you talk to a therapist, it’s based on their professional opinion and should be considered.
You’ve been thinking about reaching out.
If you’ve been thinking about talking to a therapist, do it. Even if you’re not sure it will be helpful, it might be exactly what you need. There are no specific requirements for therapy. You might have a specific issue you want to work on, but if you just want to know yourself better, improve your life, reach your goals, or just feel better, it’s possible.
Life cannot be perfect (which is what makes it beautiful), but it doesn't have to be so hard. Things can be better. Even though change is difficult, you don’t have to go at it alone. If you think you might be ready to talk to someone, reach out and give therapy a try. I’m ready to listen - get in touch for a free consultation call to see if I’m the right therapist for you.