Asteya in Therapy: What Are You Stealing From Yourself?

The third Yama is Asteya — non-stealing or non-taking.

Most people think Asteya means don't steal possessions. But the deeper practice asks: What are you taking from yourself and others through your choices?

For my kinds of clients - the go-getters, the performers, the do-it-all-yourself over-achievers - Asteya violations are constant: You're stealing your own rest by over-functioning. You're stealing your presence from your loved ones by giving your attention to emails. You're stealing your peace by never being satisfied. You're stealing your joy through perfectionism.

Hustle culture calls this discipline. You might consider it to be dedication. My last blog post was about Satya, or truthfulness, so be honest with yourself - are you stealing time and energy from yourself to dedicate those resources to just one part of your life?

What resources (time, energy, attention, money) might your be stealing from yourself?

I am all too familiar with this. There’s a joke for college students about the Three S’s - School, Sleep, and Social life, and you can only do two of the three well. For college athletes, there are four S’s with the addition of Sports, but you can still only do two of the four well. I chose School and Sports, thinking that I could use those outlets of those to satisfy my social life, too. By my senior year, I was a starting player, and Dean’s List scholar, held leadership roles with three academic organizations, and worked two jobs.

Who needs sleep, right?

I do. You do, too. We all need sleep.

I thought this was normal. Necessary, even. That’s just what college athletes do - we made sacrifices.

I didn’t realize at the time, but what started as early mornings, late nights, and occasional all-nighters turned into a harmful pattern. I was actually sacrificing my mental health, my physical health, and my relationships.

I exhausted myself. I was irritable, chronically sick, unfocused in class, unable to maintain relationships, and my performance on the field suffered. I overcommitted and neglected my physical needs, and by doing so, I actually hurt myself in the areas I was striving to succeed in. The sacrifices I thought were necessary for success ended up burning me out and holding me back.

How Asteya Gets Violated

Overworking: Prioritizing work over sleep, relationships, health, and joy. Stealing your own life in service of achievement.

Overcommitting: Saying yes to everything, leaving no time for yourself. Stealing your own boundaries.

People-Pleasing: Taking on others' emotional labor. Stealing your own emotional resources.

Perfectionism: Never being satisfied with what you've created or achieved. Stealing your own celebration and satisfaction.

Neglect: Not investing in relationships, health, or joy because you're too busy with work. Stealing presence from the people you love.

The irony? We’ve been led to believe this is necessary for success. But it actually undermines success because you're running on empty, burned out, and unable to access your creativity or presence. Stealing resources in one area of life and committing them to another ends up capping your capacity for growth or further success.

How Asteya Shows Up in Therapy

I worked with an actor who was stealing his own life through overworking. He wasn't present with his partner. He wasn’t sleeping and started reaching for stimulants to keep going. He wasn't exercising or eating well, if he remembered to eat at all between rehearsal and his day job. He was running on fumes, telling himself it was temporary, just until the show run was over.

It wasn't temporary. It was a pattern. And it was costing him everything that mattered.

When we explored Asteya, he realized: "I'm stealing from myself. My own time and presence are mine to protect. No one else will protect them if I don't."

Here's what shifted:

1. Awareness: We examined what he was stealing from—sleep, relationships, health, joy. We named it directly: "You're stealing resources from your own life."

2. Boundary-Setting: Asteya includes respecting boundaries—yours and others'. He started setting actual boundaries with himself: "I eat meals to nourish myself. I sleep to recharge myself."

3. Values Alignment: We explored what he actually valued. While he valued being one of the first people to arrive on set and one of the last to leave, he also valued his performance and presence with the rest of the cast and crew. Turns out, he also valued being able to concentrate at his day job, too. Those other values were being overlooked.

4. Nervous System Regulation: As he gave himself rest (apprehensively, at first), his nervous system began to settle. He actually slept, and slept better. He was less anxious during the day. His performance and stage presence actually improved (really, he came to session saying his director noticed and commented on it!),

5. Reframing: He reframed boundary-setting not as selfish, but as essential. Protecting his time and energy became an act of self-respect and wisdom.

Practicing Asteya: Practical Steps

1. Notice what you're stealing: What are you taking from yourself? Your time? Your rest? Your presence? Your joy? Your emotional capacity?

2. Identify the fear: Usually, we steal from ourselves because we're afraid. Afraid we won't be successful. Afraid we're not enough. I was afraid of losing everything I worked so hard for if I slowed down. Get curious about what your fear.

3. Set boundaries: Start small. Protect one hour for yourself. Say no to one commitment. Leave work at a reasonable time, or maybe just a little earlier.

4. Invest in what matters: Give your time and energy to what you actually value—relationships, health, creativity, joy. In session, we’ll take the time to actually name what these values are and explore how they can be attended to in various ways.

5. Breath work and somatic work: Use pranayama to help your nervous system experience safety in boundaries. When you're feeling regulated, boundaries feel less scary. There are so many different types of effective breathing strategies based on your situation and needs that we can explore together.

The Reclamation

When you practice Asteya—when you stop stealing from yourself—something profound shifts. You reclaim your time. Your presence. Your joy.

And here's the paradox: When you protect your own well-being, you actually become MORE effective in your work. You're more creative. More focused. More present. More YOU.

Asteya isn't about working less. It's about protecting what matters and using your energy wisely.

Ready to reclaim your life? Learn more about yoga-informed psychotherapy or reach out to explore what you need to reclaim.